Limericks | WGLT

Limericks

Jan 13, 2018
Originally published on January 13, 2018 10:40 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the Contact Us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in South Bend, Ind., on February 8. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ANDREA CHABOT: Hello. This is Andrea Chabot. And I'm calling from Manchester, N.H., but I live in Merrimack, N.H.

SAGAL: All right. You're calling from Manchester because you didn't want anybody in Merrimack to know that you were doing this. I understand that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK. So what do you do out there?

CHABOT: So I'm the assistant regional vice president for a subcontracting company.

HELEN HONG: Wow.

SAGAL: That means absolutely nothing to me.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: But it sounded impressive.

SAGAL: It sounded good.

ADAM FELBER: Yeah, and the throat clearing afterwards made it seem like it's something shady.

HONG: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Andrea. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. You know about this. We've been doing it for 20 years. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

CHABOT: I am.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Those old guys accused me of prudity. But their shriveled junk shows too much crudity.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: I'd like a new rule in this public pool. The locker rooms should have less...

CHABOT: Nudity.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A man in Vancouver in Canada has filed a complaint to his local government about his community center's locker room. According to the man, the people using it are, quote, "excessively nude."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's not the nudity. It's nudity in the extreme.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, this may seem like a strange complaint for a locker room at a gym and pool. But in complaining that he is being forced to see male privates against his will, this man joins every woman who's ever lived.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Yeah.

ROY BLOUNT JR.: Right.

(APPLAUSE)

HONG: Yeah, it's gross.

SAGAL: It was pretty gross. To be fair, though, some of the offenders that he's complaining about may just be operating under the rule of, if my gut hangs down low enough, I'm technically wearing pants.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Andrea, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: For good taste, this building's the casket. For picnics, it might serve as mascot. Big handles combined with a woven design, this building looks just like a...

CHABOT: Basket.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, a basket. The famous Longaberger basket building has finally been sold. If you haven't seen a picture of it, it's this giant office building in Ohio. It's shaped like a picnic basket. The walls look like woven fiber. It's got two enormous, like, 30-foot high handles on the top. It is the perfect real estate investment for anyone really enthusiastic about carrying their items around leaky buckets made out of sticks.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The building is the former headquarters of the Longaberger basket company, which grew rich back in the 1990s, when people didn't have bitcoin yet to be really stupid about.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After being on the market for three years, the building, now that it's been sold, will either be renovated for residential purposes or given to the town giant as a peace offering.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: I head to the spring with a straw, sip a glacier that's fresh off the thaw. No fluoride or filter will throw me off kilter. I only drink water that's...

CHABOT: Raw?

SAGAL: Yes, raw water.

CHABOT: What?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: You're very good.

SAGAL: Move over, kombucha and turmeric powder, there's a new reason to hate millennial hipsters.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's called raw water.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Unfiltered, untreated, unsterilized water. Who hasn't had a glass of water and thought, this is nice, but it needs more E. coli?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You see, these risk-taking, hip millennials do not want boring, safe tap water. No, they want to know that every sip might be their last.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently, they say taste is a big factor here. One person said, quote, "it has a vaguely mild sweetness, a nice smooth mouthfeel, nothing that overwhelms the flavor profile," unquote. Not to worry - I want to assure you that person was immediately slapped in the face.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Andrea do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Andrea did perfect. You're a winner.

CHABOT: Yay.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

CHABOT: Thank you guys so much. I love you.

SAGAL: Thank you, Andrea. Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DIRTY WATER")

THE STANDELLS: (Singing) Yeah, down by the river, down by the banks of the river Charles. Aw, that's what's happening, baby. That's where you'll find me along with lovers, muggers, and thieves. Aw, but they're cool people. Well, I love that dirty water. Oh, Boston, you're my home. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.